OCD,brain lock and School


Yesterday was just another day of feeling the constant uncertainty I have raising my son Zack, now 17. The constant worry, fear, helplessness that surrounds loving this child with so many challenges and wondering what will become of him. Diagnosed with IED/OCD/Tourette’s, ADD/ severe anxiety/depression/learning disabilities and 3 head traumas he has certainly got the cards stacked against him. As parents of children like mine know, we do not live day by day but minute by minute. My sons behavior, emotions and mental status can change with the wind, which makes life hard for him and us.

Yet, we are one of millions of families that live in this same constant limbo.

He attends public school, is in the 11th grade, and trying to mainstream into regular education classes, though most days prove to be stressful at best. His coping skills are non existent, he has no ability to calm himself, think through simple problems that may arise with prompts him to call me from school for a  multitude of questions. “Mom, mom, I’m sorry, I spent too much money at lunch and I am afraid you will be mad. I can’t focus ’cause I’m worried”, or “Mom, I can’t make myself go to class, I have brain lock, I just can’t go, I need to talk to you”. Just a few conversations he has called from school to discuss. Now, his ability to use the phone is a gracious “perk” he is allowed, since his teacher knows when his mind is focused, locked in on a thought, he can not move on until he speaks with me. I am so grateful for their gentle treatment of Zack and understanding his quirky needs for reassurance.

Cover of "Brain Lock"

Cover of Brain Lock


It is days that I get these phone calls, that seem so trivial to others, that I realize how dependant, needy, and helpless he is at times. Will he ever mature, will he ever grow up, will he ever be able to enjoy adulthood without such obstacles and baggage? The worry and uncertainty of raising and loving a child such as mine is never-ending. Not unlike those concerns of other parents loving and raising kids that are not hindered by such challenges, it is just compounded to  a suffocating level sometimes.

We try o get through each day, pray, and wait to do it all again the next morning. Hope for the best, hope for joy, hope for dreams to come true.


2 thoughts on “OCD,brain lock and School

  1. I’ll be thinking about you today. This is such a tough situation. I work with kids with Asperger’s Syndrome and frequently here about these types of phone calls. It’s never simple, there is never a magic cure. I hear a lot of parents blame themselves, as if they aren’t already trying hard enough. Keep your chin up. 🙂

  2. Hi from Voicebox, this situation must be very hard for you. I grew up with a mom who has schizophrenia but since she has been this way my whole life I just see her as my mom (my very difficult mom, but none the less) But mental illness runs in the women in my family (usually shows up in the late teens or early 20’s) and it worries me to death since I have two girls. It would be harder for me to deal with the fact that my daughters are mentally ill, I guess a part of me would feel guilty as though I passed it on genetically to them, where as I don’t carry that kind of guilt with my mom. But all I can do for now is not worry about things that haven’t happened and be happy with the 2 happy, healthy girls I’ve got.(: My prayers are with your son and your family.

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