Yesterday was just another day of feeling the constant uncertainty I have raising my son Zack, now 17. The constant worry, fear, helplessness that surrounds loving this child with so many challenges and wondering what will become of him. Diagnosed with IED/OCD/Tourette’s, ADD/ severe anxiety/depression/learning disabilities and 3 head traumas he has certainly got the cards stacked against him. As parents of children like mine know, we do not live day by day but minute by minute. My sons behavior, emotions and mental status can change with the wind, which makes life hard for him and us.
Yet, we are one of millions of families that live in this same constant limbo.
He attends public school, is in the 11th grade, and trying to mainstream into regular education classes, though most days prove to be stressful at best. His coping skills are non existent, he has no ability to calm himself, think through simple problems that may arise with prompts him to call me from school for a multitude of questions. “Mom, mom, I’m sorry, I spent too much money at lunch and I am afraid you will be mad. I can’t focus ’cause I’m worried”, or “Mom, I can’t make myself go to class, I have brain lock, I just can’t go, I need to talk to you”. Just a few conversations he has called from school to discuss. Now, his ability to use the phone is a gracious “perk” he is allowed, since his teacher knows when his mind is focused, locked in on a thought, he can not move on until he speaks with me. I am so grateful for their gentle treatment of Zack and understanding his quirky needs for reassurance.
It is days that I get these phone calls, that seem so trivial to others, that I realize how dependant, needy, and helpless he is at times. Will he ever mature, will he ever grow up, will he ever be able to enjoy adulthood without such obstacles and baggage? The worry and uncertainty of raising and loving a child such as mine is never-ending. Not unlike those concerns of other parents loving and raising kids that are not hindered by such challenges, it is just compounded to a suffocating level sometimes.
We try o get through each day, pray, and wait to do it all again the next morning. Hope for the best, hope for joy, hope for dreams to come true.
- OCD in children (neumannpsychology2012.wordpress.com)