Mental illness Destroys

I am torn.

Truly torn.

What is a parent to do?

There are no good options here for us trying to love 2 children, one with severe mental illness. I have 2 children. I love 2 children.

Mental illness destroys families.

It does it every day.

Mental illness kills dreams.

It does it every day.

Mental illness is NOT fair.

I see that every day.

Mental illness kills people

Every day

My son, now 18, legally and adult, has been plagued with multiple and untreatable mental illness all his life. That, in turn, means our family has lived in almost constant chaos, uncertainty and hell for that entire time as well.  As his parents, my husband and I know we have to care for him, and lovingly do so. When stable he is a sweet, loving, caring boy. Unfortunately the stability never lasts long. His mood swings are constant, his rages frequent, the stress and heartache it causes us all is never-ending. The thing is….it’s not his fault. He can’t help how he acts. And HE hates his behavior and actions worse than anyone.

He is tortured by himself.

We are at the point now that our daughter, his sister, is suffering. Suffering. Struggling. Angry. Resentful.

Angry she doesn’t have a normal brother.

Angry she doesn’t have a normal family.

Angry friends can’t come over because her brother is raging or unstable.

Angry at life.

Angry.

I don’t blame her.

She doesn’t deserve this either.

We are now faced with  “its him or me”

She says….” it’s him or me”

put him out, send him away, call the cops, or I am leaving, she’s had it, we all have.

I can’t blame her.

She deserves peace.

She can’t find it here.

But, where can we send him? He hasn’t broken any laws. He can’t support himself. He is still in school. He is unstable. The hospitals have no beds.

There is no good option.

He is our child, a lovely boy, the real boy is the most loving child you could ever meet. If we can just get him stable. If we can find the right mix of medication. If

If…If…..

But, when unstable,he is someone else. Someone no one likes. Someone who drives everyone away.

It’s not his fault. His mind is the enemy.

Mental illness kills, destroys, leaves a path of destruction.

It’s not fair

** I realize mental illness does not affect all victims this way, this is OUR experience. Many people with mental illness are treated successfully and enjoy life without complications.

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9 thoughts on “Mental illness Destroys

  1. So sorry to hear your story. To bad no doctors and others really understand what harm mental illness does to innocent children and others. My family suffers each day because I allowed a troubled young girl into our home. To bad I believed her lies. She used her child in her sick twisted crime. She has lied and put 4 men in prison and one in jail in 10 years and walks free. Her adopted mother hated the child she agreed to adopt. How many generations may be effected by this hate and mental illness? My children and grandchildren suffer but no one seems to want the truth. Any one know where to get real help?

  2. I just read your story , your story is my story. I have been on here looking for some thread of help. I know you know the medical system is broken, thats all I hear, no help, no solutions. Right now as I sit here writing this my son is raging the usual nitetime is always worst. I am at the end of my rope. Hes too sick to get help, the system protects him from being forced to get help. Its a never ending cycle of pain and suffering for all of us. I am so sorry for your family, I feel your pain, it is my pain too. Im trying to hang on, and I will pray for you too.

    • Thank you !! Just sent you email. Hang in there. Pray. Pray, pray and hope some more. That’s the only way I get through.

  3. I am writing from the perspective of the sister of a schizophrenic. We used to be close many years ago. He is a 45 year old adult now and has given himself a massive relapse by taking himself off medication (for a girl who was not even his girlfriend!). It is destroying my family. we are 4 adult children and parents in their 80’s. The same exact endless cycle…it slowly deteriorates the relationships of the parents with the healthy children. They keep accepting him back into their house and then call us when it gets way out of hand.
    Endless endless cycle. Every story seems to be the same. I have tried the tactic of not going over to their house anymore ( the ill child is highly verbally abusive with me–not so to my brothers, hmmm.). Nothing I say changes the outcome. Are parents really willing to throw away the healthy children to help the sick one?
    I know they will never be happy again in the years that they have left because all their children are not happy and healthy. I get that. But we just want to be able to speak and spend time with them! It’s like losing them before they are gone. Very painful to watch them take his abuse and ruin their lives when so many people care about them and love them. I don’t know anyone else, outside of my family who has to deal with this stress. Thank you for your stories–it is so helpful to hear of other people with this in their lives.
    I think my parents actually think since we don’t live with them anymore that we don’t experience pain and stress over this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • thank you so very much. I am so sorry for the “loss” of your parents and the toll your brothers illness has taken on your family.

  4. This is EXACTLY what my family is going through. I honestly feel so hopeless and lost right now. I’m scared that there will be no end to this pain…both for him and the rest of our family.

    • It’s terrible. So sorry you are living this nightmare too. It has gotten better, worse, better, worse…. A constant roller coaster. Never a sense of calmness or peace, at least for very long. All I can say is pray, if you’re a praying person.

    • For the parents it never ends. It’s in the hospital/ out of hospital/ stop taking meds go back to hospital. AND REPEAT.
      For the siblings it never ends also. We can separate outsources from the chaos but then we feel we are abandoning our parents and feel guilty. Seeing the pain and stress my parents go through hurts a lot. They are 86 and 75 years old now. I can’t believe this hasn’t killed them.
      My husband and I have taken To going away for holidays so we don’t have to give excuses to my parents or invite the ill sibling to my home. Sad that I have to say that but if you are a sibling of a schizophrenic then you understand. Other people would think that’s mean. It’s actually survival.
      Put a lot of energy and counseling into the healthy child because you can help that one. You can’t fix the other one. Remind yourself that he or she deserves to be happy and healthy despite this situation. I know others who regret putting all attention an time into the sick one and wish they could go back in time.
      That sibling I know wants no children of we own. I also do not. Don’t be surprised if your healthy child goes that direction.
      So sorry about this. I honestly feel for you and I know exactly what you are struggling with it’s so unfair!

      • Thank you. Unfortunately for us, turned out our “healthy child” was not. Starting in 8th grade she started to deteriorate, severe depression, 3 suicide attempts, 3 hospitalizations…. On and on. It’s a nightmare and constant worry. She has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder , major depressive disorder, anxiety. My heart is always heavy and fearful. I, as primary caregiver, manager of all issues here, health, meds, appointments, etc., never rest. My praying never ends.

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